"Poor Girl...tsk tsk"

I spent time with my Aunty and Grandma (my dad’s sister and his mom) in AD. They both live out of the country (Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and Tanzania, respectively) so I don’t see them much, and yeah I missed them. I feel very close to my dad’s side of the family in part because I look exactly like them (and regrettably nothing like mom whom I think is absolutely gorgeous), and partly because I hardly ever see them and when I do they remind me of my dad. But, and I don’t find this hard to say: I dread meeting them: I have this remote feeling that they pity me. It’s tremendously wonderful meeting them, but one thing I can't stand is sympathy. I do not need to be pitied. Just like I hate it when adults go: “Oh my, when will you stop growing?” (which they still do even though I have stopped growing at 17 and have remained at 171.5 cms for the last 3 years!!!) or when they say things like: “Sooooo (wink wink), When are you going to get married?” Especially when someone in the family gets married, and they look at us singletons and say: “Your turn is next, don’t worry.” I’M NOT WORRIED. I’ll get married when I want to and when I do I will be the one who finds my husband, not them. But worst of all is pity, and the one time I get pity is from my dad’s side of the family, who, granted, don’t see me much, so maybe think that I am experiencing some sort of suffering since my dad left, but still should know that I’m doing quite fine without my dad. Don’t get me wrong, I love my dad, and things would have been AMAZING if he was still here, but he isn’t, and my brother and I turned out fine. In fact, wicked as this may sound, I don’t think I would have had the kind of life I’ve had if my dad stuck around. There would be more rules, and less of what my mom and I share now that there’s no dad around. Plus my father would have totally spoiled me and I predict I would have been even less independent than I already am (if that’s even possible, I depend on my brother FOR EVERYTHING). But when they say: “Oh my, Poor girl, I keep telling your dad to come back and take care of you,” or: “He’s a crazy man for leaving two kids and a wife behind,” or: “Look what he’s done, he doesn’t know what you’re missing because he left.” Don’t they get it? It’s not us who missed out, it’s him. He missed out on seeing his two kids grow up. And I’m not resentful; I just wish they would stop brining it up. I wish I could tell them: why are you saying this? I’m FINE. My brother is FINE. If dad was around then great, but he isn’t and you end up just fine. People ALWAYS cope with the kind of life they’re dealt, and some do better than others, but I’m not about to sit and feel sorry for myself. I'm blessed with a great mom and live a better life than most kids I know with both parents around, and I can think of a LOT of people who are far worse off than me that perhaps need pity. And I’m not about to take comfort in they’re pitying me because he wasn’t around. God 50% of marriages end in divorce, seriously I'm not the first girl with a single parent and I won't be the last. They should know better. I just found out that my dad has two little girls now, one is 6 and the other is around 4 months old. My uncle who saw him recently said that he was doing well, totally adored both his daughters, and always spoke of how the youngest one looks just like me. And when he was telling me I kind of felt that they expected me to feel upset or saddened maybe…but I was truly delighted. I have two little sisters! When he was around he was the coolest dad EVER, and if my sisters ( I think I like saying that) can get even half of what I got as a kid before he left, then they’re lucky. And one thing I made sure to tell my dad a few days ago when I finally reached him and talked to him: he is always in my prayers, he should not worry about us, we’re doing good, and all I want is to see him and the little ones, even if it was for a short while. He promised me he would try to come visit. He told me he felt guilty about leaving, that we were always on his mind, and no matter what he does he can't get himself to feel better. That broke my heart. I knew it was the people around him making him think that perhaps we're not ok, and it's all his fault. So I made sure he knew that we were doing great. And then I made sure everyone here knew I am truly happy with my life, and that is the message they should send back to him when they see him again. I think I’m very well-rounded, my personality is identical to my mom’s, and save for some parts of my behavior that I know are largely due to not having a father at home (especially that I crave attention and want a man in my life to be much older and in complete control, which is also the case with some girls I know who have pretty passive fathers), I think I turned out pretty well-formed…So for all you out there who might feel sorry for others who seem slightly less well-off, or have missed out in life, don't pity them. You can show them you care in other ways, but pity just makes people feel small.