Listen, we need to talk...

Recently I noticed a habit among the people I love. For some reason, I’ve observed that when there is bad news to tell me, they take their time. It’s like, they want to caution you, to tell you: brace yourself, it’s bad news, and then they tell you what the bad news is. On the contrary, when there is some good news, they can’t wait to tell you. (Of course, there are those insufferable meddlers who take pleasure in torturing you when they know something you don’t, and tell you: “Guess what?”, and try to keep you guessing what the good news is. THAT’S NASTY! STOP DOING THAT. I usually say: “I don’t know! Khalas I don’t care, don’t tell me I don’t want to know.” And the fun comes when they are dying to reveal the good news and I go: “Stop! Don’t want to hear it. Really I don't. Don't tell me.”) I can be really annoying when I want to hehehehe.
So I’ve figured there are two kinds of people. The ones who take plaster off a wound at a snail's pace, bit-by-bit, allowing themselves to feel the minimal amount of pain, until the whole plaster comes off. And then there are those who take the plaster off in one big pull, allowing a whole lot of pain, but it’s done immediately and swiftly. That’s what I am like. I hate the waiting; I cannot endure even the least amount of pain if it’s for a long period of time. I HAVE to take the plaster off quickly, and I can handle any amount of pain, as long as it’s in a brief period of time. Kinda like waxing I guess.
And it’s the same with news. I insist on hearing bad news right away. I abhor, detest, LOATHE it when a person comes up to me and says: “Listen, I have something to tell you. Please sit down. Promise me you won't react too quickly. I don’t know where to start, but here goes: please don’t get upset. Let me finish the whole story and then tell me what you think. Ok, so here’s the bad news:…”
Or: “Look, I know you’re going to get upset, but I have to tell you. Most people wouldn’t agree to me telling you this, but I feel you need to know.” (OH GOD JUST TELL ME ALREADY!)
Or: “Hey, I heard something, I don’t know if it’s true, but you won’t like it, is it true that…”
(ARE U KIDDING?)
The ultimate favorite: "Have you talked to **** lately? I mean, have you heard anything new?"
(IF YOU’RE GOING TO TELL ME ANYWAY, WHY DO YOU CARE IF I MIGHT/MIGHT NOT HAVE ALREADY HEARD THE NEWS?)
Even: (listen -big sigh- we need to talk)pisses the hell out of me. I really feel the need to clarify that I, unlike others I know, hate pre-bad news intros. Just hit me with it. I will love you for being straightforward and unambiguous, and telling me right away.
I can take the bad news. Really, I'm tougher than I look. It’s the waiting to hear the bad news I can’t handle. I am extremely impatient. Maybe some people do need time to hear bad news. I’ve heard so many times, when a loved one departs this life, an adult (of course, I do not consider myself a grown-up yet, and hopefully NEVER) would say: Immortality is for God, our time here on earth is short, I’m really sorry to tell you this, but….
Please spare me that courtesy. Maybe when I’m older and need time to prepare, but now I’m ready for it all, and will only "need time" AFTER I hear the bad news, not before.