Excuses Excuses

When you are living with someone, essentially dependant on them, then all the decisions you make are entangled with the choices they make. More importantly, all the promises that you make are only kept if they keep their end of the promise. That sucks particularly because: when you assure a certain someone that you will meet him/her at some particular time and in some particular place, and then your significant other/ guardian/ parent/ ride cancels on you, you are held responsible for not meeting that person at that particular time and in that particular place. And when you make the excuse that it isn't your fault, its fine the first couple of times, but by the hundredth time you are forever known as someone who is incessantly late and can never keep a promise.
That is how I have a repute that it is in my character to never show up when I'm supposed to, and if I do then I'm always very late, and as a rule I never keep promises. I'm really not like that, yet my friends actually make a 2 hour allowance for whatever time I say I'm going to meet them. My family just knows to never even keep their hopes up, and always be surprised when we do actually show up for whatever it is we said we're going to show up for. If it were up to me then I'd always be half an hour or 15 minutes early at least. For classes I'm usually early because the girl I go to Uni with always shows up exactly on time and so we take our time getting to class. But she's not who I'm complaining about.
Today especially was a day when I actually believed that we were going to keep the promise that I MADE (because if it were up to "her" then we'd never go out, but I like keeping family ties, I love making plans with my cousins, and I love visiting the cousins that I like) and that's why in the end I'm the one blamed for making a commitment that needs "her" to be committed to - in today's case it turned out that I was stupid to get my hopes up for something that had a 90% chance for being cancelled for no good reason at all– and it was a particularly painful when I called up the person I was supposed to see (and had already cancelled on 3 times last week at the last minute) and the moment I said "Hi!" she said: "Don't tell me, you're canceling right?". And then she wasn't even surprised and she actually said "I'm traveling on Sunday, PLEASE let me see you before I leave," and I felt so guilty I actually said: "Sure, sure, I'll see you on Thursday for sure, don't worry, I want to see you too." I hated myself for even making that promise.
Maybe I should just stop telling people I'm going to see them and then if I am then I won't call to tell them until I'm actually in the car. And it's even worse when they're not surprised anymore and when you apologize for the millionth time they go: no, its ok, I didn't expect you to come anyway. I'm so mad and upset and…
I just wanted to get that out of my chest.
p.s. I'll let you know if we actually go to see her on Thursday.