SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Insomnia is maddening. I don’t even think its insomnia. Just an odd kind of enjoying my wakefulness mingled with some sort of fear of falling asleep. I can actually sleep, but only for an exact 4 to 5 hours, and then I wake up with the biggest jolt of my life. I literally jerk away from my sleep in sudden alarm. Like I had passed out and in my dreams I was just waiting for the moment I could break free from this bottomless, unknown platform of nothingness and jump into alertness. But even during those 5 hours, if for any reason something wakes me up, I’m done. No sleeping back. No matter what I do (trust me, I’ve tried EVERYTHING, from drinking warm milk to reading a boring book to counting sheep. I even resorted to having two teaspoons of ACTIFED!!!) but nothing seems to get me back to sleep. So I get up and wait. And wait. And wait. And I can actually stay awake for 72 hours straight if I’m watching TV (hello, I’m njoolinjooli and I am a TV addict.) The cool part about this problem is that when I actually do sleep, its magnificently cavernous, intense, black, dreamless sleep that feels strangely like the kind of sleep that you get when you haven’t slept for ages and was just longing for the moment your head hits the pillow. The worst part is waking up with dread. I hate that. When my brother is around and I wake up he cracks up. He thinks it’s really weird that I can’t wake up like ordinary people do: open eyes, blink a few times, stretch, and get off bed. No, for me its like: peaceful sleeping, and then suddenly sitting up on my bed like I was being attacked or someone just threw cold water on me. Not only that, I can only sleep when I just jump into bed and close my eyes. If I actually think: ok, in half an hour I should sleep, just that thought scares sleep away. If I think about sleeping, then I can’t sleep. It’s even worse when I know that I have to wake up early the next day. The fact that I HAVE to sleep ruins it all. My sleep has a will of it’s own, and its pretty stubborn and willful. If I say: I need to sleep.
Sleep goes: weeeeelll, we’ll see.
Me: Crap, it’s really late. I need to sleep.
Sleep: hmm, I’ll think about it.
Me: Oh man, I have to wake up early in the morning.
Sleep: Stop pressuring me!
Me: I HAVE TO SLEEP!
Sleep: YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME! THAT’S IT. NO SLEEP.
Me: Oh, God, no, please, I’m so sorry, please let me sleep.
Sleep: HaHa. No. Deal with it you sad disturbed creature.
So basically, I have to trick myself into sleeping before I actually think that it’s time to sleep. I’m sure if I actually went to a therapist and talked about this problem (and yes, don’t we all wish we could go to some stranger who is forced to listen to us, and talk for hours about our issues like the self-centered narcissistic egomaniacs we all really are) it would probably turn out that I have major issues. And then we’ll blame our parents. The difference is, on this blog I can do all that for free. I can sit and whine, drone and bleat for hours and you guys, as my counselors, are required to tolerate endless hours of pitiable unreasonable complaining. But guess what, it’s your job so shuttup.
OMG, lack of sleep is actually making me ruder than I already am.
posted by Ingenious Perspective @ 4:18 AM
3 Comments:
wow.. sounds like you have an overactive brain! If nothing works, then maybe you should use your crazed nightly hours to write a book! I'm sure ud have a best seller.
I just woke up from an 11 hour slumber.. it feels pretty good.. but most of the day is gone..
I had some weird dreams.. one where i was spinning endlessly in my living room like one of those twirling dervishes.. and before that i was climbing a wooden bridge in a cowboy movie.. can't remember the rest..
I find the best sleep inducer is to have a big meal (rice is good for this) then sit and listen to a boring monotonic professor give a three hour lecture on something even more boring than he is.. oh and make sure there's dim lighting in the room and a slight breeze.. yes.. just perrrfect.. and u're sitting in the back of the class.. and u have a friend there who takes better notes than u ;) .. hehehe..
mmmhhmmmmmm basma. so how does that make you feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel?
:p
good advice sylo. yes basma some of the best sleep i ever had was at the back on the last row of an economics (ughhh *SHUDDER*) class. it is crucial that you are on the last row, so that 1- professor can't see you.. and if he does who cares anyway, 2- he's so far that his talk sounds more like mummbling, thus, more boring, 3- so that you can rest your head back on the wall. just make sure you dont snore. good luck!
Oh ur soo lucky...all that sleeppp! But i guess the day is pretty much wasted. I always feel soooo accomplished if ive woken up really early, even if i haven't done much.
I've just eaten rice...i feel a bit lethargic but not really sleepy. Just heavy. Shud i eat more?
Wawie im registering for evening classes so hopefully that will work to my advantage...
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