A Day in the Life of... (2)

My brother stares at the mirror.

Giggles. A lot.

I ask him what the hell's so funny.

He says: It said something nice to me.

Despair in the long hours of darkness

Remembering a grand part of my life that has passed and will never come back again

Going through moments where I just wish I could simply throw away my memories because living a life not knowing better is better than living a life and comparing it to something else

Remembering an extremely talented and amazing person who was once a big part of my life but now has gone forever

Looking around me and all the faces I see and discovering I have no real friends

Looking at my reflection in the mirror and not recognizing the body that's staring back at me

Screaming really loud and suddenly my voice gets caught and I can't breathe

Waking up screaming and not remembering what the hell scared me

Resigning from a fight and giving up on things that are important to me for the sake of love

Changing some of my core values to keep up with the life I have to lead

Playing a part that's not really me but having to do it because it's expected

Pretending to feel things I don't so I look good to the people around me

Warmly shaking the hand of a person I know is nauseatingly but secretly depraved

Smiling to (that same) face of a person I wish I could spit on

Making friends with people my surroundings forced me to encounter (like in a damn wedding, and in school, and in social gatherings). Small talk is annoying walla.

Suddenly waking up in the morning and then urgently and desperately wishing I could go back to my dream because whatever I was dreaming was better than what I was waking up to

Hurting a person but being too cowardly to confess to it because people will think I'm feeble

Realizing that slowly, bit by bit, I'm giving up on one dream after another

Laughing really loudly to hide the sound of my heart breaking

Realizing that I am the cause of someone else's misery

Doing something I was so absolutely certain and confident was the right thing to do and then, after its too late, realizing how radically wrong I was

Not being able to return some amazing person's feelings just because I can't – and hurting for their pain because I've been through what they're going through, and it doesn't make sense how I can feel so much for someone who doesn't deserve me but so little for someone who deserves better than me

Realizing that something careless and hasty I did caused the crushing of someone's dream

Giving my hand out trying to save someone and then realizing she's actually pulling me down with her

Slowly pulling away from someone I care about, just because I had no time to make the effort to keep in touch, and suddenly needing her and realizing she's gone

Going through a day when – honestly – I am suspicious about everybody's (and I mean EVERY BODY, even my mom) 's intentions


Thinking that I'm learning something new everyday and then realizing that everyday someone has taken a piece of me and walked away

Deciding I need a moment to myself and then panicking when I realize I can't face myself

Wishing that today is tomorrow only so I wouldn’t have to go through another night of these thoughts.