Personality

Why do people modify their personalities when they’re around other people? I realized that I tend to be a different person, depending on my surroundings. In big gatherings I’m a big flirt, and I like laughing. Well, not a big BIG flirt, I’m just really really nice. Hehhe. Who am I kidding? I love the attention. Yet there are some people I’m around (some friends) where I am totally cool and collected, and mostly nonviolent hehe. Some others bring out the worst in me: I am infuriated, all stirred up and provoked (Alooshy, my brother!!). To some people (like the secretary and treasurer of the Student Council) I am so TOTALLY professional it scares me. Like I’m gonna become one of those ruthless, hardnosed business women with a heart made of stone. I don’t hurt feelings but I do tend to be a bit (a teensy bit) dictatorial, only when I feel that nobody is taking a step in making a decision because they don’t want to take the blame if something goes wrong. With people that annoy me (I don’t think I’ve reached the level of hate yet) I never bother picking fights…I just listen to what they have to say, nod, and walk away, and if they ask me something I don’t want to answer, I smile and just look at them. The dumb ones repeat the question OVER AND OVER, but most of the time the clue hits home and they move on to the NEXT annoying question. Ofcourse when they over-do it then all the anger reserved for my brother just explodes. I know I’m rude, but only around people I know won’t take it seriously. Cousins like wawie…total pushovers heheh. Naah I’m kidding, they just don’t take me seriously. Like I would actually say: "Ok you guys are boring. I’m gonna go." Or, "You’re so short you’re like a cockroach STOP WALKING INFRONT OF ME." (I’m 5.7 so the only person I can stand tall next to is my brother who is 6.4). And then sometimes I am the listener, the one who gives advice, and sometimes, I am the talker, and someone else pulls me out of the shit hole I got myself into. Mostly I can actually see myself just switching from one persona to another, depending on the audience and their preferences. Why does that happen? I don’t know anybody who said they liked me the moment they saw me. They always say: U were cute but I couldn’t make up my mind about u. But now I love you. And in my head I’m thinking: hey, I couldn’t make my mind about YOU, and what kind of person you would like me to be.
I’m never alone. The house is always jam-packed with guests and family. And when it’s kind of empty (meaning less than 5 people) then I’m always in Uni. So what will happen when I’m really alone? Who will I meet and then realize: hey, I’m actually REALLY myself when I’m with this person. A person with whom I realize: hey, I’m not actually changing for this person. And I know people do this a lot. I know you kind of change around other people depending on how you feel about them. But for me, I don’t actually have any ‘alone’ time. I’ve never confronted myself. I’ve never been in a room in which there was no other entertainment or something to keep me busy, besides myself. And I don’t think I want to. I’m not sure how I will like me.
I wonder what I’m REALLY like. Or is this the time when I’m just discovering myself, and later on will settle on one character? God, I hope I don’t end up being “the flirt”. I would get my way in EVERYTHING (especially since the world is still owned by men – not for long though) but still ya3ni…I hope I end up being just a mixture of the flirt, the professional, and the calm and composed one.
HEY!